me llamo hamsterface

She's Here!! Ava Helen Gonzalez, welcome to the world, my darling girl!

What can I say? The last 10 days have been pure bliss. Well, not the 30 hours of labor. But quickly those memories fade as the endorphins of motherhood work their magic.

My daughter is, of course, adorable. A well-fed, sturdy lovely girl, with brown hair, wise and curious eyes, a good grip and the strength of horses. We love her dearly and can't wait to see how the she navigates the challenges of infant-hood. So far she has us wrapped around her finger, and her shrieks are reserved for real unhappiness. The dirty diapers have been minimal (at least the ones I've had to change) and the naps quite plentiful and generous. I pinch myself on a regular basis. This child might have wings under her onesie; there's certainly the glow of a halo above her tiny head.

What a year

Well, it's official. I'll be mom in my 38th year. I had hoped to get a bit ahead of things and slam this one home during the last stretch of 37. Despite all the squirming going on in there, it looks like not only will McG make an appearance in year 38, but I'll have my birthday all to myself. Call me a little selfish, but that makes me happy.

I *think* a zen mellowness is settling over me. Or maybe it's just the lingering effects of my lunchtime margarita. Really, tart and tasty as it was, the with salt on the rocks treat was part of the nap-induction strategy more than anything. Right. It's uncanny how good I've become at this napping thing, and I'm more and more comfortable with the unfinished projects in my wake. Tomorrow may be the day the wedding album comes a bit more together (um, yes, the wedding was more than 3 years ago) or not. It may be the day I figure out how to piece together the crib skirt I just *had* to make. Probably not. The day I watch another season of some random tv show on Netflix? Probably. Friday Night Lights 4 and Weeds 5 was great, Lie to Me 1 is looking promising.

Perhaps it's that the gates of the hormonal floodgates are open even wider than usual that's got me feeling pretty confident about the birth. I've certainly veered from moments of 'how ever am I going to do this,' 'is my body -- my boobs -- up to the challenge?', and 'how am i going manage on so little sleep' to a 'all will be fine' attitude. It's uncanny how sometimes I can banish the worry and remind myself that my doomsday viewpoint certainly doesn't help things. Being married to Mr. Mellow certainly helps, and his frequent reality check of 'why are you thinking the worst, where's that going to get you', while annoying, does put things in perspective.

The general good vibes the world sends out to uncomfortably large pregnant women does help. Each day for at least the last week I've had random strangers smile broadly at me and say things like 'congratulations' and 'best of luck mamma.' It's lovely, and assures me this child will be welcomed, healthy, and well-loved and we'll do just fine. In this city that can be so harsh, coarse and cold, these voices and all the other little smiles sent my way have added up. Plus, with the heaping of knowing looks from the water aerobics ladies in the pool when I waddle by every few days, we've got a lot of good vibes headed our way. When I let my evil brain go a little off track with dark thoughts I try to summon up those perfectly reasonable thoughts.

Things I want to remember from this 39th week:

Calls from my mom and dad so anxious they (lucky for them, figuratively) they could pop

McG's few cases of the hickups and propensity for poking around 'down there'; nothing like a pop along the lower pelvic wall

the disco ball movement effect of a slurpee or the desperately concocted oatmeal cookies that contain oatmeal packets rather than the 'real deal' 

waltzing 'with all the time in the world' around Target and Michael's with great awareness of how grand it is to have time to kill and just myself to entertain

the kindness of the facebook folk and all the marvelous birthday wishes. my bday wishing intent going forward is 10-fold now...a little social networking bday tlc goes a long way!

how blessed and spoiled I am to have P's constant coddling and attention. Up and down the stairs he goes for me, cooking tortilla goodness, fetching ice cream, massaging achy hips, etc. It does worry me that I'll have to compete with the little bugger for all but I've had 5 years of spoiling, so I think I'm ready to cede a bit. What a lucky baby McG is to have such a dad.

And now off to a b-day dinner on 8th Street! But first, a preventive tums snack!

In need of Coffee

and the belly that gets in the way of good sleep. Oh, yes, and the itty bitty bladder. ugh.

But seriously, things are going well on this home stretch. Despite all the stress, fights, pouting sessions, late night puttering and sneaking painting and lifting, the nursery and the various closet packing techniques have really come together. Shocking!

Honestly, I do think we're ready. We're certainly excited, and reading our baby care/parental motivation books far more than the labor prep ones. I've laundered most of the baby gear, and am so thankful for all the loans from Susan. It's kept us out of the poorhouse and we've managed to find space for it! 

The gifts and celebrations have been marvelous...topped by Becky's handmade quilt, Krista & Tina's maid service coupon, the crib and chair and check from Mom and Dad, Stan's target booty including the (returned) baby uggs and vans. And all of the books -- McG is going to be a reader just like his mom and dad!

I'm still vacillating a bit on names....struggling with a middle one for Liam and feeling unsure about Ava. I love it -- Pablo adores it; but somehow I feel like I need a little more parental approval. Ugh. Time to get rid of that tendency. Using Owen as Liam's middle name sounds rich until you get to Gonzalez, but it's certainly got cross cultural flair! I do love the idea of carrying his name on.

Well, I've outdone myself here...let's see if I can do it tomorrow. We're off on a "Pablo's one vacation day" adventure today, starting at the pool and then to IHOP. What fun....and since we're probably finishing by skipping the Sibley class, it really could make for a fun day! ;)

another night...

And the benidryl is taking effect.

Llots of anxiety of but PEDs visit; a bit of resent that one moved the meet n' greet to Lorton, Ugh.

Little bugger..I love you so but I am far too tired to write. But I get credit for trying to.

Day 4, August 15

Baby preparations have gotten underway, and the energy it takes to move this bod around is drawing from my creative undisciplined writing intentions. Seriously, when I get up, I get sharp pains down my pubic bone and getting the first few steps off makes me feel like an old lady. But busy I stay and things are coming along well. Except the sleep. It's been a bit haywire, but it's time for me to try...busy day ahead, and no nap on the radar.

Grace notes:

The lovely laying on of hands at church today -- and the remembrance that God has confidence in me, and will be my rock should I need the support, and certainly to our child

The gentle rain that's feeding the plants that eek our a life in my garden this spring

Pablo's marvelous massages

The nursery is coming together, with treasures from my youth, love from my friends and families and lots and lots of books!

A reasonably ready house, with a little less dust and grime...for now at least.

Day 4, August 10

Wow, one month from due day, minus two. An incredibly growing bumbp and a list that just won't let go. Especially if I spend a day or two in bed quite slothfully, thinking quite guiltily that such sloth just won't cut it come September. So, for a few more days, I revel in the self-senteredness of it all. Hopefully tomorrow there will be a little more gumption on tap (and a smaller Slurpee) and I'll inch towards being ready.

Little lentahia, I am so excited to meet you. I can't pretend to think I'll know you intimately from day one, ut you know I'll keep trying and do what I can welcome you into the world.

My blessings

lots of whacks in the belly

good day-long books like the Glass Castle

Lovely parties and precious goodies

Cheerful, loving cousins and

Pablo's quiet kisses from the other side of the bed

midnight snacks to feed my little McG

Window

Fetted, feasted and worn to a pulp

Sleep is decennia, After a busy day... Sleepy from baby laundry . Private post-parted room for n visitors, bed for s
Dad...new life
With the wee one

We cAnt wait!!

Day 3: Eating out, Reconnecting, and Working to Live ... oh, and ta ta wisdom

It was a good day. Kinda annoying due to less sleep yesterday (and tonight) than I should be, but post-nap things were in the positive category. I found myself at Pew grateful to be done with that commitment and hopeful my dear friend will extricate herself soon. They miss me, I can tell they do.

Coffee with Krista is always a high point -- and today did not disappoint. Her present knee issues had better not limit her auntie abilities! I love every minute I get to be real with this woman, and am so greatful we were wise and brave enough to be friends. I can't imagine how I would have gotten through the last 12 months without her.

Kathleen treated me to lunch and a marvelous sandwich at Atlantico, and we chatted about travel, jobs and scale as relative to life, dreams, sanity and reason. Her candor and directness make me treasure her, and the woman observes with a keen eye. 

After a lovely nap, dinner at the new neighborhood spot Mi Veicindad was a nice immmersion back in to the baby/mommy talk with Wade and Rashmee. These young folk are smart, generous and have become good friends.Rashme confided some boobie stories and secrets, and a helpful dose of patience. Seeing Wade a bit drunk was amusing and made my longing for a margarita bit stronger. I'm saving it up for some delish glasses of vino tomorrow night in b-more. mmmmm....

and, now, again, the sleep ain't so great. Going to try again now....but I'm proud I'm sticking to my once a day habit. Baby McG, you're a strong motivator, my love. 

Day 2

Ok, day two. I'm here. I'm writing. I feel like writing about crafting and the compulsion to make things, but I really am too tired and the bed is calling. Also dear Pablo who is so full of kisses and belly awe that I feel terribly guilty down here typing away.

About the crafting. I've got to harness a good heaping of initiative and follow-through. Hand-made enthusiasms seize me, my wallet flies open, shelf or closet space is dedicated to said project, and then it sits. For months....well, make that years. I have a bag of yarn that's been waiting for "that quiet, can't do anything" part of pregnancy. That part where all I want to do is read or watch TV? That "phase" been setting in periodically for months, and booties, hats and blankets are generally the farthest thing from my mind. I bought most of the yarn in February or so, when the news was fresh and it looked like the months would stretch on forever. A few more balls were acquired near Bourbon street. This blanket could lovely....if only I could will it into being. I guess I should be grateful that my wrists haven't yet swelled and knitting still is a possibility.

Tomorrow I WILL begin the pompom and seersucker project! Green pompons....they really can't just sit there. I can see it now...me trying to figure out how to sew green pompons into a 7 year-olds Halloween costume. No, it won't happen....the loveliest crib skirt will actualize! And soon!